What Master Chief doesn't know is that we've switched his normal battle rifle with Folgers.
Back at Stuffo HQ, I rounded up our lab techs and we did a little experiment. We took a test group that represented an accurate cross-section of all the Halo players that we could find in 11 minutes.
One at a time, each subject was blind folded and seated on our purple, 1998, dotcom boom-style, three-cushion break room couch.
The couch was set in front of a 13 inch Magnasonic-2413 "Viewtastic" color television that this girl Liz who used to work here left at the office after she went to go work some place else. She hasn't called for it, so we're not saying anything. I mean she'd call if she wanted it...right?
Each subject was given one of our office Xbox Controller-S, the one that has the X button that sticks a little.
We then put a copy of Halo and a copy of Halo 2 into our "special" Xbox and had each subject spend 58 minutes playing. We called this process "the test."
We had a control subject. Our control subject was Timmy. Timmy sat in the corner and drew crayon pictures of Orko.
As each subject played, we randomly switched back and forth between Halo and Halo 2. The subjects were instructed to conduct gameplay in a normal fashion. Randomly and several times throughout "the test" we would ask questions about how they felt about the gun they were firing at that moment.
98.7 percent of the subjects completed "the test."
After "the test," each subject answered 437 multiple choice questions in a written examination. The questions in this exam attempted to narrow down whether or not test subjects could tell the difference between the two weapons.
After several days of precision experimentation the results were sadly inconclusive. We were no closer to the truth about which gun was the better. Shuffling through the parking lot to my car I was heavy with the weight of failure and filled with a terrible fear that I would never get to the bottom of this.